The Deepest Me

Dear Sandstorms Diary,
People used to call me 'a person with no feelings'.
I bet they do have a point. But somehow guys, you should know, even animals have feelings for their offspring.
This is me.
I am also a human being.
I am not a robot whatsoever.
I used to make a lot of mistakes in life. Much much more than others. When I said MORE, it is really MORE.
More than anyone else.
More than you.

I regret everything that I did in the past. But people said let bygones be bygones. Live for the future. If you live for the past, you would never be happy. That's what people told me.

I am not good looking. I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am just nothing. Nothing that I made can be proud of. You can say I am the worst human being. It is not a mistake that I am the worst.

But I tried my hardest to be better.
I tried my deepest to find Allah's love. I tried and I tried.
But to no avail.

In my search for Allah, I found this guy.
I know this feeling is not mutual. That's why I have been trying to avoid him as much as possible.
How stupid am I to fall for someone very close to me.
How stupid.
I would pray everyday that someone will come to my side. Someone legal. Someone you love and be with every minute.
Life is not that beautiful for a person like me who has nothing.
Somehow, I wish, I really wish he would fall for me as well. But, if he doesn't, I would just let him go and wish him happiness.

Why does this feeling ever existed in the first place?