My Innermost Soul

‘Whosoever chooses to follow guidance, follows it for his own good; whosoever goes astray, goes astray to his own loss.’

(al-Isra’ 17: 15)

this verse is true. we have choices. we choose what we think is best for our lives. yet little did we know that somehow our sins have encapsulated all the good deeds we have done before. that's what i am afraid of. my faith is not that strong. sometimes i astray, sometimes i forget HIM, sometimes i don't even know my deed is wrong and sometimes i make mistakes intentionally. That's how bad i am. i have repented. i want to be a better person. Never did i know that Allah wants me to be close to HIM. My Pakistani friend told me that once we have lost the feelings of guilt in our heart (if we make wrong doings) then that means we are sinners. A sinner never feels what they do is wrong. Their heart is darker than black, harder than stone. i am afraid, if i am actually one of the sinners without me realizing it. 

~O Allah please forgive me~

My friends. I don't want you to be like how i used to be. i am a bad person. u would never imagine how bad i am. u see me all innocent, yet i don't know what does my heart look like. we don't know what people around us have gone through in their lives. so, never judge a book by its cover. if they have changed, if they have repented, don't look at them with such hate and detest for their past mistakes. they may actually be purer than any of us. Allah knows better why HE gave tests to certain people. i don't think i would be the way i am now if my darkest experience didn't actually occur. thanks to him i have matured more than i could ever dream of. as i said before, the choice is ours to make. i am happy with my choice now even though that choice hurt my innermost soul. Allah knows best. 

"Those who rejected Our revelations will soon be thrown into the fire. No sooner will their skins be burnt out then We shall replace their skins, so they they may taste the real torment, Allah is All-Mighty, Wise." 

(An Nisa' 56)