this upcoming ramadhan al-mubarak

she wanted to be a better keyboardist. a much better keyboardist that everyone would watch her performance with such admiration. she wanted to perform in a band. but then would that means she is senseless when she left her keyboard at home? haha. 

there is no need for further argument that girls need boys and boys need girl. according to my friend, a relationship between a girl and a boy should be closely watched as it would lead to another problems if we did not take extra precautions. yes, she is right. i agree with her. but i also pity her since i knew those kind of ppl wont listen to every bit of advice that was told. it is just like giving advices to logs of woods. they know what is wrong, what is good, what is haram, what is halal, yet they did that anyway. why? because we humans tend to forget things easily.

I remembered her words clearly. before she even gave that speech, i have been trying to avoid guys in such manner that people often disregard my actions. they thought i love to be alone. no, i hate being all on my own. i really hate that. it is just when i wanted to be with my girlfriends, there, tend to be guys around and i don't like it. thats the kind of thinking that i have been nurturing inside my very mind. strange? i knew that. being alone is such a sad thing. beside from you being able to avoid any gossips or rumours, you would feel strangely isolated. you would feel as if you were to cry but then there is no tears. 

is there any other person out there who could possibly be feeling or thinking like me? i bet it would be one in a million. 

"you would never know sadness when you were never being all alone"

covering up this whole story with a fake smile on my lips is the hardest act ever. 

laughing, when your heart is in pain is the cruelest action ever. 

you think you know pain? try to be all on your own. you eat by your own, walk on your own, watch that person when others aren't watching are such pain that would leave a scar once it stabbed you from behind. yes, i know i have my Creator. i do know that. but why i feel sad when i remembered my best of friends texting, calling and chatting with guys? i knew secrets that were hidden between my friends. that friend told her secrets to me, and that other friend told her secrets to me too and somehow their secrets overlapped which involved the same guy. that guy looked nice and kind but who knows? i have this prejudice feeling over guys i know that. and i am sorry for that. you never knew what you were to do if you were in my shoes. i stopped myself from hurting others. i blocked away my feelings and how i wished it would just disperse into thin air like the wind. but our memories are not something to be toyed with. we have no access to our own mind, to copy, edit, or delete it. we can't do all that. 

this upcoming month of Ramadhan i wish all of us would be having a great time fasting, empathizing with the misery of the poor who were unable to eat when they want to. 

and

i wish i would be able to go to mecca some day.