Maybe i would always be on my own. even though it is okay, but i might feel lonely again. it is not that people don't want to befriend me. or no guys ever like me to be their friend or whatsoever, but it is me. i am always distancing myself from them. because i hate pain. i don't like getting hurt because i am too sensitive without people knowing. i keep everything inside and at the end it is me getting hurt the most. i don't utter much words about my feelings. this blog is the only place i could actually be open to the outside world.
maybe that's why people used to call me a loner. i really am a loner. but a loner have feelings too. i smile and laugh. but it is just a mask i'm wearing outside. inside, i am so alone. people would never notice unless you have the power to see what other people are thinking. and, i am not a good person. i act all nice. i posted many islamic quotes and Quranic verses, but i think my insides are even darker than black. i don't know how to turn it back to how it was. you guys would not believe what my past are like. too many wrong roads that i have taken. too many pain. i'm just way too stupid. however it is the past i am talking about and i am grateful for having experience one. because of that, i am able to think, to analyse to decide what is best. thank you Allah. alhamdulillah.
p/s: waiting for my other half. would he come, someday?
just so you know, i do not deserve anyone because i am no good. just simply human that always makes mistakes.