how we used to be

I used to have a roommate from my batch.
she is pretty.like a barbie.
when i saw her during the registration for new students for first intake, i thought

'oh my, she looks like an arabic girl'
i like her way of putting on the shawl. it looks astonishingly great on her.
from time to time, i tried to put on shawl as well, though not as good as her.
Even people keep mocking me that i look really bad in wearing shawl. (it is bad, i know it when i look at my pictures wearing those shawls)

she can be a good person at times. and i miss her now.
we are no longer in good terms as there are some circumstances happened ever since she befriended someone (her best friend now)

though the first time i know her, she hardly pray, but from time to time she was able to change that. im just so grateful that she change for the better. :)

well, i guess every cloud has a silver lining. i no longer talk to her. It happened for i can't stand her being so impolite to me. i know i'm the one who loses temper first, but she needed to understand why since she has been my roommate for 2 years.

I told my parents that she likes to borrow things from me. i don't mind, really. but my parents said stop all those nonsense. i should be more rigid with her since there is one time she said 'i can live without money since i have my roommate'.
what she meant is that she can depend on me when it comes to food, stuffs and something like that. it is just intolerable since she is just my roommate, not my relatives or anything like that.

my second last straw was when i asked her not to switch off the fan because i'm hanging my clothes in that room. i said that three times.clearly.

and when i came back from class, i saw the fan was already switched off and my clothes still wet. i am going to use that clothes for next day occasion and when i asked why, she said she forgot. and guess what she told me?

'nasib la'
there's not even an apology.

i felt like kicking her ass at that time, but i'm still humane.
the next day was the last day of our friendship.
i was supposed to stay outside from the hostel for not being able to return my key to the office.
i'm totally down at the moment. before, i have asked her to return my key to the office for she is going home the next day, but she didnt.

she said she forgot.
again.
and thats when i lost my temper.

i told her, it is her fault that i have to stay outside.
and guess what she told me again?

'nasib la'

not even an apology. like last time.
from that day onwards, i never talk to her again.
even her best friend didnot talk to me. i wonder what she told her.

during our last time together, her friends did come in our room, keep mocking me, as if i am the guilty party. i know i am guilty at some part, but she should be more polite with me when i lose my temper. instead, she kept provoking me.

she even invited her friends, lots of them to come to our room. i didn't know the motives, but she made the environment really tense for me. she even mocked me when i am around her. but i kept silent. it is just a matter of time before she went away from my life.

it is not that i hate her.
but everything she does, makes me wonder, why people keep mocking others? do you want to hurt me inside? i guess it is a so.

there's a question. why girls like to talk about others behind their backs? does it feel so good talking about them?
another question. why people see others' mistakes rather than their own?
another one. why people have becoming so obsessed with life?

well, i have a regret about her.
i think that is also one of the reason she hated me that much.
she used to have a bf which she dated for 5 years and a half. one fateful day, she fell in love with someone else. her bf kept texting me, asking me to become his spy. it is just outrageous. i dont want to be involved with their relationship. but, i felt sorry for him. he is just a nice guy though. when he asked me anything, i just told him the truth. but when it comes to the other guy, i did defend her. but he seemed not to trust me since i am her roommate. he must've thought that her gf asked me to tell him that.

their relationship was over before i knew it. i felt really sorry for her and i thought it is my fault for being so nosy. but how come can i ignore someone who needs my help? she knows that her ex has been texting me recently and she told me to say only good things about her. i'm in sixes and sevens.

but then, it is also a blessing in disguise that she was not with him anymore. she found someone better than him. someone who does not restrict her from doing anything she likes. i'm feeling saved somehow.


if she did read my entry. i just want to tell her, that i miss her so much despite all the circumstances which had occured in our past friendship. we are no longer friends, but i do hope you will do well in your life. never talks bad about others again, be polite, humble, and befriend many. :')

i also have mistakes. i will try to change my attitude from time to time. i am the kind who never think about what others think about me. i know many despise me. i am just me.

p/s: i miss you alot.