I feel so sad today when my mother told me that my grandmother is suffering from cervical cancer. I knew she is sick these few months, but I never really imagine that it would be cancer. Her conditions worsened every single day. Her body is getting smaller by days and she can't walk on her own at all.. It is as if her strength is dying out. I don't want her to die yet. Not yet. But even the doctor told us that we have to take good care of her or in other meaning she actually told us to be with her during her last remaining days. She knew that she has no more chance of living and she always kept repeating to me and her daughters and sons that she is going to die soon. She looked terribly afraid when she said that. Everyone is afraid of dying as we do not know what awaits us in the other world. In her case, she suffered so much, so much that you would never imagine.
I just can't take this anymore. I don't want her to die. This few months alone I have been experiencing the deaths of my close ones. My cousin, my relative, and I don't want to experience it again. Twice is more than enough. Please, no more. . .
I knew death is not something under human being's control. I knew that. But if you were to experience the deaths of those very close to you twice in a row, what would you possibly feel? And that your grandmother actually had cancer and have no more hope? What would you feel? That's what I am feeling right now. My mother must be feeling very sad. I hope I would be by her side at this very moment but unfortunately I can't. Be strong, mother.
And this time around, everything is hopeless as it seems to be.
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